The New Alpha Meitei Pakhang

Prologue::

This write up is a product of a series of discussions with many Meitei Pakhangs** like me, sometimes over the internet & sometimes over a glass of whiskey. It’s interesting to note that some generalizations can be drawn over the discussion over the common issues like love for Manipur, threats from Mayangs*** over Meitei Nupis, anger at treatments meted out or at being called the ubiquitous Nepali etc.

This is a sincere and humble attempt to define the new Alpha- Meitei Pakhang.

**Manipuri:: bachelor
***Manipuri:: non-Manipuris

Disclaimer:: This writing may cause serious discrepancy when thoughts are applied. Please take with a pinch of salt.

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When I was in Manipur, whenever I heard of people speaking highly about another, it was always “Puk eengba, gyan taba, leirik laishu heiba & thabak touba ”**. I guess not much might have changed when a Meitei family is looking for an eligible Meitei Pakhang.

**Manipuri:: “Cool & Calm, understanding, good at studies & with a job”.

However there are changing realities for the Meitei Pakhang now. The battle ground for claiming the hands of beautiful and eligible Meitei Nupis are no longer the sanctity of only the Meiteis. With increasing globalization and battle ground expanding from the traditional Meitrabak** to include different parts of the globe, especially many parts of India, Meitei Pakhangs are now faced with serious threats from the competitions of the much maligned Mayangs.

**Manipuri:: Manipur

It is high time the Meitei pakhang redefine themselves lest they are left behind in the race for the most eligible. For the first time, the threat is looking really ominous. Many of the Meitei pakhangs are devasted when they learnt that one of the beautiful and eligible Meitei nupi had been swept off her feet by a charming, dashing and rich Mayang nupa**. They often ask themselves why, why & why, of course over a glass of whiskey. They felt betrayed as if something which was their rightful had been taken away. Some blame the money factor, others agree that it was the poverty plaguing the Meitei Pakhangs & yet others felt they needed to be well groomed to compete with changing realities.

**Manipuri:: guy

Fact is for Meitei meeting another fellow Meitei is an occasion. Besides Meiteis, from my personal views are really bad at socializing. Yours truly included! Most Meiteis don’t come out of the comfort zone easily and mostly hang around with fellow Meiteis only, even though many have come out of Manipur for a long time. This is especially true for the Meitei nupas. I guess it must have been the inhibitions in each of us.

Let’s do a SWOT (Strength, Weakness, and Opportunities & Threats) analysis of the Meitei Pakhang.

Strength:

• Better dressed than average Indians. Average looks good as well.
• Can dabble English & Hindi Songs. Most play guitar well.
• Fluent with most known drugs J.
• Many are health conscious. Average plays 2 or more games.
• Loves Manipur. Everything about Manipur.
• Friendly when close.
• Techno Savvy.

Weakness:

• Less Expressive.
• Egoistically very unstable & can fight at the drop of a hat!
• Often accented and needs to work on the pronunciation.
• Low on self confidence.
• Yet to cross over the Meitei comfort zone and explore the beauty of the beyond.
• Very low social skills.
• Terrible dancer.
• Bad conversationalist.

Opportunities:

• Opportunities to date girls from different cultures.
• Whole world at finger tip through the web and healthy presence of Meiteis across the globes.

Threats:

• Because of low social skills, “Puk eengba, gyan taba, leirik laishu heiba & thabak touba” are not getting enough opportunities to get the right Meitei nupi.
• Competitions for limited eligible girls with market opening up due to globalization.

Of course, I know for sure that if the Alpha Meitei Pakhang is unleashed, not many girls across the world would be able to resist. Let’s call Alpha Meitei Pakhang as AMP for short.

Imagine a new alpha Meitei Pakhang who is Puk eengba, gyan taba, leirik laishu heiba & thabak touba, dressed extremely well and full of self confidence walks up to a charming girl in a crowded restaurant and ask her if she would be interested in a dancing.

Then the girl says, “Thank you. But I know only Tango”.

The AMP smiled and flashed his charming Colgate white teethes and said, “It’s perfect!”, and extended his hand towards her.

With his superior music knowledge, he excused himself from the charming girl in the dance floor and walked towards the sleepy DJ and asked him, “Do you have any Roberto Firpos?”

The DJ replied with a start,” Only Juan D’Arienzo”.

“Please play Tangos Para El Mundo followed by Sus Primeros Exitos”.

The charming girl was floored after 2 Tangos and then the AMP smoothly kissed her good bye but only after she slipped her number in a note in his hand.

She said with a naughty smile,” I enjoyed it”.

The note read – Sandy: XXXXXXX1243. Call me.

The next morning, he wakes up and goes to office. He finds out that he needs to organize a new team for the new development project his company had recently bagged from Spanish Bank. He neatly plans out the day ahead and call for a meeting with the Delivery Managers and Marketing Head to discuss the project plans. It’s a tough negotiation meeting especially with the Delivery Head hell bent on the fact that existing resources are enough to complete the project within deadlines.

So a presentation is properly laid out which highlights the overall plan and the risks associated and how it can be mitigated.

With a highly persuasive and reasonable presentation made by the newly improved Alpha Pakhang, the Delivery Head reluctantly conceded the need to hire 7 extra developers and 1 new technical lead. The newly joined Delivery Manager, Mrs. X gave an appreciative look. Then as a part of Handshake protocol, he arranged a telecon with the Spanish Bank’s IT VP Mr. Mario Sanchez at 2:30 PM.

“Buonas díaz, Mr Sanchez” **, AMP greets.

“Cómo usted está haciendo? “.***

“Estoy muy bien. Gracias.”****, Mr. Mario replies.

**Spanish:: “Good Morning, Mr. Sanchez”
***Spanish:: “How are you doing?”
****Spanish:: “I am fine. Thank you”

All heads in the conference room turned. Then AMP smoothly turns into English introducing the Delivery Head and other managers. After the telecon, the Delivery Head asked,” when did you learn Spanish?”

After a hard & satisfying day at work, he called up Sandy and asked her if she might be interested in a dinner with him. She said she would come over by 8:45 pm.

It’s already 6:15 pm. The AMP called up his parents at home.

“Hello Ema. Chak Charabrou?”

“Chak Chareenae”.

“ Adudee konna touraklagae”.

“Keishu Kaidaeda”.

“Eina Paisa khara thakheebanee. Loopa Leeshing tara amana Leibrary mei chakkhie badugae khara peekrou”.

“Loopa Leeshing taradi yaamandrou?”

“Keishu Kaidaedaa. Eishu thainaa aanang oireeda yaamna chatlakee. Tamo Mohindro da peekho”

… the conversation goes on for 30 mins talking to Ema, baba & Boiboi.

***Translation:

“Hello Mother. Had food?”

“We are eating now”.

“ Then I will call up later”.

“It’s OK”.

“I sent some money. Out of that Please give Rs. 10000 as a charity for that Leibrary rebuilding”.

“Rs. 100000 is too much!”

“It’s OK.When I was a kid I used to go there often.Five it to Mohindro”

… the conversation goes on for 30 mins talking to Ema, baba & Boiboi.

The AMP took out Sandy to CitiLights and seduced her with his witty conversations over wine mixed with vegetable salads.

Well. Well. The new improved version of Alpha Meitei Pakhang may well be a lil’ distant dream for an average Meitei but many are well on the way there, though we have a long way to go before we reach there. It’s high time Meitei Pakhangs come of age and embrace the new wave with excellence. To perform the magic which we believed we have. To be a good son, a good lover, a smooth dancer, a good & loyal friend, a killer with words irrespective of language and to be truly international.

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Also published at E-pao.